This Game We Call "Pretend"

Ohheythere. Okay, I'm feeling much better now. Ready? :)


One of my hobbies is playlist-making. I know what you're thinking: "What the--? That's not a hobby, you pathetic excuse of a blogger!" Oh (again I'm ignoring your nasty comment) but it is--it's something that I do "outside of my regular occupation" and it's something that I "engage in especially for relaxation" (Thank you, Mr. Webster).


I love music and I like to think that music also loves me back. It's a two-way relationship--music evokes specific feelings within me and, call me weird but, I seriously think that I can "cause" a song to "feel" a certain emotion. Trust me, it makes sense in my head. 


I'm sure you've experienced this before. Songs can make you feel a certain way. The lyrics can make you cry, the beat can make you want to dance, the sweet melody can set you free. But the same thing also happens, doesn't it, when you listen to a song with which you're familiar and you don't feel the same way that you did when you first listened to the song? Okay, time for an example, um, "The Well and the Lighthouse" by Arcade Fire (because it's what I'm listening to right now). Let's say that when I first listened to it, I was in a good mood. And this good mood, naturally, contributed to the way I immediately liked the tempo, Win Butler's voice, and the overall feel of the song. But, after a really bad day, I could hit play and hear Win Butler and Regine Chassagne (I'm pretty sure it's her, not Sarah because Sarah plays the violin) singing, "You fool, now that you know your end is near / You always fall for what you desire or what you fear," and maybe I won't be as positive about the song as I was the first time. Those lyrics have always been there, but my feelings cause the song's darker qualities to show. Get it?


Anyway, my hobby. I literally just sit down, huddled over my iPod, and make playlists based on a lot of things. I'm sure I've talked about this in a previous post (yups, I have, here it is -- just the Playlists of Summer part near the end). My point today is that I have a "playlist" (it's in quotes because it really doesn't exist in my iPod, but it's in me, and I don't have it memorized) called "Songs that Saved My Life."


I went through a short dark phase when I was in middle school, around 7th-slash-8th-grade-ish. Long story short, life sucked (it still does sometimes, but it's not so bad anymore), and I only got by because I listened to Relient K. There were also a couple of other bands and a couple of other songs here and there, but it was mostly Relient K. And it wasn't just one or two of their songs, it was everything--the songs, what the songs meant, what the band stood for. They're a Christina rock band, and I don't want to make this a religious post or anything so I won't elaborate. "Songs that Saved My Life" are, duh, the songs that saved my life. They were the songs that I listened to when I felt like I was nearing the end or felt that I was close to the edge (nervous chuckle, I was a dark kid). That was when I started making playlists. Essentially, "Songs that Saved My Life" was the first playlist I had ever made. But it's not even a real playlist on my iPod because it just wouldn't be the same if it's saved, would it? No, it wouldn't. So I don't save it on my iPod, and I don't have all of the songs memorized, and this is why: when I come across a song that belongs to that first playlist, it's even more special because it's a surprise to me. 


"Hello there, Jen, long time no see. I saved your life that one time..." It's a nice feeling.


Okay, it's past 11:30pm and I still have homework left. I actually planned on putting some songs in my current top playlist at the moment but this post is already lengthier than I expected. So I'll end it here for tonight.


Oh, and quick update: we enabled comments on the List pages so if you have suggestions, leave a comment!


Today......
I really loved...Googling panko recipes.
I smiled because...I finished Physics homework after school right on time.
Lyrics playing at this very moment as I type this portion of the blog:
"...The pain just makes me wanna stare at the same things I've seen before..."
(Stare by Marjorie Fair)
Hours of sleep last night: 4
Times it got COLD: I'm kind of getting ready for a heat wave while telling myself it's not gonna come at the same time.
Friend of the day: my iPod


--Jen :)