EFF--ARR

Day 3!

"I've stood alone a million times. / That's not the same as being alone..."
(Shaken by Hawk Nelson)

One of my greatest fears is being left all alone.

Isolophobia, monophobia or autophobia are actually different names for the peristent fear of physically being alone, the fear of not having anyone (or maybe anything) in close proximity.

But I don't fear being left alone in an empty room. I could be surrounded by so many people I know but still feel this fear or anxiety of being...alone. This kind of fear is more like having a fear of not having anyone there for me: not having a friend there for you when you need a hug or help, not having a brother nearby to make you smile and laugh when you're on the verge of tears, not having a sister next to you to tell you to keep going when you don't want to continue on. When I get married, I think I'd like to go before my husband; I don't think I'd be able to handle it if I continued living all alone.

Sometimes, our fears get the best of us and they dictate our actions, and eventually, our whole lives. This fear is probably the reason why I'm so "needy" most of the time. (I am, right? I'm pretty sure I am. Maybe some of my friends don't think so, maybe some do, but I definitely think there are moments when I just need people.)

However, ever since I realized that I was needy (a couple of years ago?), I have been trying to tone it down a lot. It's not a bad thing to need people. Sometimes, it's completely necessary and appropriate to admit that you can't do everything by yourself and that you need others to help or guide you. And there are things that are just more fun to do with others than going about it solo. I mean, I could sit by myself on the couch and enjoy marathon after marathon of old cycles of America's Next Top Model all day, but it wouldn't be as fun as making space for my sister next to me and doing impressions of Tyra together as she says, "Congratulations, you're still in the running to be America's Next Top Model."

But being too needy? Not good. You grow up each time you realize that you can do something on your own--the time you took your first steps, the time your dad took off your training wheels, the time you solved that beastly equation that you just couldn't follow in class but finally understood at home as you did your homework. And each time that you do something on your own, you grow stronger. And strength is what you will need the next time you fear not having anyone there by your side. And a lot of it if your fear is great.

TODAY...
I really loved...Jason Dunn.
I smiled because...I went to church.
Lyrics playing at this very moment as I type this portion of the blog:
"...don't know if I'll ever know why, or hear the sounds of angels cry..."
(Right Here by Hawk Nelson)
Hours of sleep last night: 8 hours
Number of times it got COLD: 0
Number of times I wished it got COLD: a bajillion times
Number of times I scolded myself for wishing that it would get COLD: too many to count

--Jen :)