I woke up today with an inexplicable sense of deep dread. It's like that two-beat suspenseful sound from "Law & Order" that just goes DUN-DUN (look it up!). I am not sure why. I woke up to cheerful songs on my iPod and I was humming and everything. But the dread was there. I don't even think I went to sleep in a bad mood or anything. And I remember going through my schedule as I was getting ready to take a shower in the morning and double-checking in my head that I didn't forget to do any homework, and I just couldn't find any reason as to why I was just feeling so scared about something.
And then I lost my key. I returned to my room after showering, so I got in the room, which means my key was inside the room. But as I was about to leave, I realized that I didn't have it. And I turned my room upside down and it was nowhere to be found! I was already late to breakfast and I didn't wanna have to rush-eat so that I'm not late to class, so I just had to leave without it. At breakfast, I couldn't help but ask, "Was it because of that? Is it because I knew I was going to lose my key that I woke up feeling scared?" Maybe not because I got a new one at the lobby desk after work, and it wasn't a big deal. So, it wasn't that.
Then, later this morning, I got a text reminder that I am THIS close to going over on my monthly data plan...and my dad had given me a lecture about it last weekend for going over on last month's bill. So. My little trooper might just get confiscated. But then again, I thought, it wouldn't be THAT bad not having my phone. For next week, I'll just have to make sure to let people know that I can only be contacted through email and I just have to have my laptop with me at all times. So, not that.
Is it because I left my laptop in the office today? I finished work at 4:30 and I had to rush to Legacy Path because to meet friends who were helping me with the pool noodles again and on my way there, I realized that my laptop and charger were still in my office desk drawer. And I couldn't get back. But I can still access my stuff because I have a Box account, and all I need is to borrow Shayne or Josh's laptop (I'm on Shayne's now). So, not really a big deal, I can still work.
Anyway, I still don't know what it is. As I type this, I still feel scared. Sometimes, very rarely though, I get these feelings. And it's not like I'm clairvoyant (there's a vocab word for you) or anything...or AM I???
All I know is that I'm scared of what's to come. Which isn't really that different from what I feel usually. I do regularly get scared about the future, just not to this extent. And I usually know what about the future I am scared of.
But there's no choice but to keep on keeping on.
Okay, I really wanna shower and eat dinner now so I can go to sleep. I have judging duties at Iolani tomorrow!
GOOD LUCK TO KENDALL'S BIG PLANS TOMORROW!!!! Awesome job on the blog post bah.
Risks: 44
Books Read: 8
Thank You Notes Written: 13
Caffeinated Drinks Consumed So Far in April: 6
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