Some songs tickle your insides and some songs get you to stand up and dance. Some push you toward love and some tell you to push it away in turn. And then there are the songs that can move planets. But even if you knew for sure that they could do that, it doesn't matter, because all you care about is how they move you.
These are songs that move you to adjust your earphones, to lean back and turn up the volume just as the bass kicks in, and you can feel the lights dimming and the louder the song is in your head, the more you feel it inside of you. And you close your eyes and it suddenly becomes just you and the words and the music. Just you with the words and the music. And that's all that matters--that you believe the words and become the song yourself.
That part in the Marianas' Trench song, "Beside You," when all the boys start their OOOHHHH WAAAY OHHHH WAAAY OOOHHHH over and over again in the background moves me in ways that I've never been moved. I feel like I can do anything, that I am not alone, that the very thing that I am doing is living and that is the very best thing that I could ever do. And I just listen to it over and over again and the feeling never changes. Not once.
These are the songs that were written especially for us (but not in the the-writer-was-literally-like-hey-this-song-is-going-to-be-for-Jen sense...more in a I-was-meant-to-listen-to-and-love-this-song kind of way). These are the songs that are just like books in that they are also ultimate Dumpees--they play within us over an over and we can ignore and/or block them for the longest time, but when we need to hear them the most, they'll always be playing on repeat no matter what. These are the songs of our hearts. These are the anthems of our lives that are anomalies but make perfect sense.
Tonight was (here comes the obligatory cliché guys) sort of a rollercoaster, but a good one. You know how liberating and satisfying that feeling can be--the feeling you get when you get off the rollercoaster and you're like, "Yes. YES. I understand." But you don't quite know what you understand. That doesn't matter, though, because you understand. I cried, argued, felt bitter, laughed, got scared, giggled, was worried, doubted myself, felt appreciative and sorry, and everything in between all in one night, and I am again "gripped by a cherishing so deep" for this idea that we are all alive. Yes, we are only along for the ride, but what a hell of a ride it is. And how lucky it is that we have this thing called "now" that takes place every single moment--each "now" building upon the other, making every "now" that comes after that much more important.
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I just got finished watching the season one finale of Sherlock with Daisy. Now I gotta finish my logic homework (yayyyyyyyy). The study lounge is a bit more crowded than usual, but I'm well caffeinated and I've got my earbuds on and an awesome playlist on repeat. And if that doesn't work, I've got, um, my Skrillex and Thrift Shop playlists to keep me up (yeahh....my music tastes are changing and I don't know if I should be worried...). And if this is what life is going to be like for a while, I'll take it, because hey, this is me being alive, and that is a purely amazing thing.
On a side note, the song that's playing now is The Cab's "Bad" and really, it doesn't get any more perfect than this.
Risks: 40! (I should do something special for my 50th one...gotta get there first)...
Books Read: 8 (Still have to update...)
Thank You Notes Written: 11!
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