So yes, we graduated yesterday. AND! WHAT! A! DAY! IT! WAS! Everything is a blur right now: the prep, the actual ceremony, the lei-giving part, the dinner, Project Grad. I don't remember anything. Well, not really, I remember things but nothing feels real right now. I came home from Project Grad, went straight to sleep and woke up a little before noon. And I've just been walking around, cleaning up everything that resulted from graduation, watching TV and lounging around, having a lazy day. Though that sounds nice, it's not. I'm basically a zombie right now.
All this week, I have been telling people, "I don't feel anything. I'm just numb. I don't even know why I don't feel the need or urge to cry or celebrate or whatever. I just feel nothing," whenever we talked about graduating. But things were different on the bus ride back from Project Grad this morning. The closer we got to school , the heavier my chest felt. By the time we got to 'Iolani, I was hugging myself tightly to keep my heart from falling, but no matter how tightly I held onto myself, my heart felt like it was in free fall. When I got in my Mom's car, I realized that the reason I wasn't feeling anything was because I wasn't allowing myself to feel anything at all. So I let myself feel for just a second. And then I started crying.
I think I'll be better later. Um. This is a shame because I was so excited to blog about how absolutely loved I felt during the lei-giving in the football field after the ceremony! Thank you to everyone who came to the ceremony and/or gave me a lei yesterday. I don't have words. But I will next week. I was thinking about talking about metaphors, full circles, disillusionment, happy advice, nice surprises and more...maybe. It's probably what I'm gonna be talking about for the next several weeks. But for now, I must drift.
Risks: 20
Hugs: ..................um. I graduated from high school yesterday, man.
Current food cravings/obsessions: not hungry
Playlist(s) on repeat: none-------
5:18 ADD-ON!!!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. HOLD IT. What in the world?! Guys, I just realized: THIS is my very first day as an 'Iolani alumna. And so far, I've spent this very special day watching TV, being lazy, munching on candy and chocolate and popcorn and crab cakes, drifting and feeling all blah because high school is over, and just lounging around DOING NOTHING. This is definitely not the way to go. I'm so disappointed in myself and I would like to apologize.
Today, I should be doing something that is meaningful to me and, hopefully, to others as well. I should be doing something good for both myself and the greater world. I should be doing something that helps me grow. I should be doing something that shows that I am a proud 'Iolani graduate, ready to serve and help others, ready to make a difference, and ready to do good BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT MY YEARS IN 'IOLANI HAVE TAUGHT ME.
Anyway, how did I realize this? Aunty Wendy! Aunty Wendy is a friend of mine, Megan's, mom. I met her when I was a sophomore, I believe. Megan, her little brother, Kyle, and Aunty Wendy all came to greet me after the graduation ceremony yesterday and it was such a wonderful surprise. I knew Megan would be there but when I saw Kyle and Aunty Wendy too, I was near tears. To add to that, Aunty Wendy got me a cute little handbook called "be happy" filled with pieces of one-line advice on and cute comics about how to live a life of happiness. Not only am I so thankful that Aunty Wendy was thoughtful enough to come to my graduation but also very touched that she would go out of her way to get me such a sweet gift. The people who matter to me definitely know that I am big on happiness and finding it. And this book is just the most perfect little thing! In addition, it is also the perfect vehicle for me to use in an effort to send some good out there into the world today.
So after I finish typing this add-on, I am going to spend the next couple of hours coloring the comics, adding on funny doodles, writing out more advice and my own stories and the things that I've learned about happiness over time on the pages, and so much more. I will also include my own story behind the "be happy" book somewhere in there (Or maybe I'll accompany it with another Moleskin? Hmmm....). When the time is right, I plan to pass on this "be happy" book to someone else and it is my hope that they will add on to the book's knowledge and pass it on to another. And so on!
So that is how I'm going to spend the rest of my very first day as an 'Iolani alumna: creating something that I hope will touch others' lives for many years to come. And if I finish early, maybe I should write. Yeah, I'm in a writing mood. There's nothing to read here at the moment but I can always walk to Barnes & Noble if I want. I also asked Josh to bring back from home a couple of the books that were on my bedside table. So I plan to be productive in terms of reading at the very least in the next several weeks!
Ahh, I feel so much better now. THANK YOU AND MUCH LOVE TO THE CHING FAMILY! :)
P.S. I just realized that I don't have crayons or coloring pencils. Hmmm. Note to self: Start coloring again. But first, buy some coloring implements....and a coloring book!
Ciao bellas!
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