Wake Up You Need To Make Money

Wow. This is the first BEDA since 2010 that we just did horribly. But that's okay. Because life happens. 

I don't know. Today was cool. I saw my parents, got new clothes, watched the beautiful thing that was the Avengers (I can't start talking about it because once I start I won't be able to stop). 

As a whole, I don't know, this month has been interesting. It's been the start of a lot of new things that I have ahead of me. It's been a glimpse into what my life can be like. It's been good, but it could have been better. I'm ready to make it better. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 2

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

We Would Build a Rocket Ship and Then We’d Fly it Far Away

Life.

So like, I was thinking about today (which, by the way, was a super long and stressful and tiring day that isn't even close to being done by the way) how pretty soon, everything that was once familiar and like before will be gone. After this summer, which will be the last taste of what my life was like before, everything will be new and different. And this terrifies me but is also so exciting. In a way I can start new. I can finally do what I want to do and be the person I want to be. I may not know exactly what I want or what I want to do or where I want to be, but I know what I want to strive towards and while I'm sad to leave familiarities behind, it'll be okay because the future will be so much better. I sometimes get so restless because I want so bad to be somewhere else. I want to be past all this. I want the future. But it's not all about where you end up, but it's also about how you get there. And I'm getting there. I need to use that. I need to take advantage of that. I may not have it all figured out, but things are looking up and I can't wait. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

My Name's Blurryface and I Care What You Think

Hey guys. You know. BEDA is hard. Life is hard. This month has been a time. But I'm here, finishing strong. (Thanks B). 

I don't know, today was a day. First, just dealing with Stressed Out coming out last night. Like, ugh, I can't with this life sometimes. Also, I went to tutor today again. It went well, I'm a lot more worried about tomorrow because one of my classes is an AP Calc class and I don't know any of the material and I'm no help at all. But oh well. Also, Agents of SHIELD is too much. Marvel is too much. I really can't deal with it. Ugh. 

Today was also just interesting dealing with life. I don't know. I'm not in a bad place, I'm just in a place to get my life together and do something meaningful. It will happen. Also, I just thought it was serendipitous that I found out Jen and I would be working together again. That's news that I needed. This summer will honestly be incredible and I can't wait. 

Life man. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

Letter to Myself 2015

Dear Kendall (April 27, 2016),

This certainly has been a year, hasn't it? There were ups, downs, twists, turns, so much life happened and I don't even know what to say about it all. You continued to do what you love, I'll give you that. You went to more concerts than I can count. You went on 5 different trips. You found new things. You learned new things. You failed. You got back up. You grew. It's almost a little serendipitous that today would be the day that I have to write this letter. It's the day I walked around after work. A lot. And I thought. A lot. I had a plan this past year. It didn't work out. I still haven't gotten to where I want to be. But the thing is, I can see it coming. I have so many big plans and exciting things coming in the future and I know it will be amazing. Every single one of those things that I wanted for you last year, I still want for you. I'll always want those things for you. But I think that this years has been a time to figure out how to do that.  I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, but that's okay. I'll learn from them. In the next year, I want to see things really pop off. I mean, even in the past few weeks you've done things I never could have imagined. I don't really know what is going to happen. Where I'm going to go. What I'm going to do. But, I know that you will make the most of it. You will do the right thing, even if it's not easy. Everything that's happened so far has happened for a reason. To get me somewhere. I may not know where that place is right now, but I'll figure it out, I know I will. Most importantly, I want you to make others happy, and that includes yourself. It's our job to find joy in our lives, and I want you to find as much joy in as many people as you can. And Kendall, you can do this. 

Love,
Kendall (April 27, 2015)

Stand Up Say Hallelujah

Life is full of choices. For the longest time I've been making surprising similar choices in everything I do. But the past few weeks, I've been doing differently. I've made really strange and unique choices. I've acted irrationally. I've taken risks. I've reevaluated. I've decided what's really important to me. I've made new choices. Maybe I feel good about things because they're just different. Maybe it's because I hated what I was doing before. But it feels good. I'm not saying that I've completely changed everything. I'm not a brand new person. No. I haven't changed. I've just learned. I've gained a new perspective.  I've decided to take things into my own hands. Things may not go according not to plan. They may not work out the way you want them to. But that's okay, because they will work out the way they were meant to. I'm not saying that we don't have control of our own fates, because we absolutely do. If we want something done or changed, it's up to us to make that happen. But there are also things out of our own control. And we have to trust that whatever happens is for the best. Everyday we make choices. From the tiniest and most insignificant to the biggest and most influential. But they're all important. I've been making different choices lately. I don't know where it will lead me or where I will go. I don't know what will happen or what will change. But my choices are mine and I plan on making ones that pursue my own happiness. While also helping as many other people as I can. I know that I will help others. And that that's what I'm supposed to do. But I can't do that if there's no me. So right now, I'm choosing me. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: (I honestly have lost count #sorry) 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

You've Never Been So Divine In Accepting Your Defeat

I didn't blog yesterday. Sorry not sorry? Life man. I really haven't even been doing anything this week. I don't know, I just have a lot of thoughts all the time and I'm trying to figure them out and figure out life, but it's hard, you know? I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, but that's alright, isn't it? I hope it is at least.

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 2 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

My Heart is My Armor

Hey guys. 

All I have to say is: Birthday Week.

Started it off with Red Robin. 

#lifegoals

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

Sometimes You’ve Got to Bleed to Know, That You're Alive and Have a Soul

Hey guys,

Life man.

Today, I went to church with my aunt. Then we went to visit my grandpa. Facetimed the world. Ate at Taco Bell, then came back. I watched like 4 episodes of Agents of Shield (OMG guys it's so good I've been living/dying).

Then, I knew today that the new twenty one pilots song, Tear in My Heart, was supposed to come out, and it did. And like. Ugh. Okay, their first single of this album, Fairly Local, is so emo and intense and I love it and it's everything. But I know, like I wrote a 10 page paper on it, that they don't really have a genre, but the sound of this new song is so completely different and I don't even understand how this can happen but I love it so much. Also, the fact that this is like the very first love song that Tyler has ever really released. Like, he doesn't write love songs. But it's so adorable and everything, especially since him and Jenna got married last week. And then she's in the video?!?! Like, who are you feeling like? Oh god, I just love it all so much and I can't really even deal with it.  

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

I Could Never Save You

Hey guys.

I missed a day. Yeah, that happened. Oh well.

This week was the reintroduction to school. It's been stressful because I don't even fully have everything set yet. But I've been watching a lot of Agents of Shield, so that's cool. Like, literally, I'm so deep in the MCU right now. Like, it's incredible. I can't even. Life man.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing. Like, what's the point of anything that I'm doing. Not that I ever really come up with a great answer to that question. Like, I always just think that I need to get through right now to get to something better. I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where I'm content with just right there, but let's hope I do. Because I have to. 

I don't know, it's late and I have to get up early tomorrow. Dueces my friends. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

I Caught You Watching Me Under the Light

Hey guys!

Today happened. That was a thing. I don't know, what even are days? Live happens, man. 

So, you know how I just got back from Texas like two days ago? Well, Texas is stupid and it doesn't want to let people leave. I got three bug bites, which, on a normal day, is a little cumbersome at most, but in Texas, it caused my entire leg to swell up and hurt. A lot. It's bad cause one is right where my shoe goes to on my heel and another is on the back of my leg where my jeans rub up against. Needless to say, walking to and from class has not been very fun. I've been putting stuff on it, but like, Texas, you need to calm that down. Okay? 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1 

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25

My Body Will Be Stronger

Hey guys...

It's been a little while, hasn't it. But guess what, it's April. Which means BEDA. Which means this is happening.

These past few weeks have been really weird and interesting. It started with finals, which were dumb, but I got through it, but not really. My spring break was all over the place, I instagramed for 10 days straight (seriously, go check it out), I went to LA and saw the same band twice AND went to Disneyland with the Bunch, and I went to Texas and visited my cousin and family. Honestly, it was such a perfect and great spring break and it was exactly what I needed. 

But now I'm back. I've had to make some tough decisions, and I'm still scared about my future and don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to take it one thing at a time, which means this quarter. I have high hopes. Things are going to go in my favor because I'm going to make them. 

This is going to be a good month, a good quarter, a good life. It has to be. I'm so ready for it. 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 1 (Let's start over since I totally lost count)

Books Read: 4
Airplanes Ridden: 10
Concerts Attended: 25