The Letter

Dear Jen,

As I write this, I realize that I am writing this with a more solemn perspective and voice than I have in the past two years. Whether that comes from the maturity I may have gained, the hardened approach with which I have had to deal with some issues lately, or just the fact that I am running the final stretch of the semester (classes end in a week!) and am thus running out of steam, I am not sure.

But here I am nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong, I want to write this letter. This is one of the rare chances I get to do something for me. This is an opportunity for me to learn, consciously, from the past year and understand fully how I have changed and grown over the months since I last took the time to imprint a version of myself onto (web)pages that will hopefully preserve them that I may look back at each one like an old school yearbook photo.

Before we start, however, I am pretty sure you should know the drill by now. Go take a risk girl and don’t come back and read the rest of the letter until you do. Go!

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And so, here is a quick recap of the past year, the quick and dirty (but not in that way) version: After you wrote your letter for 2014 Jen, you fell in love, slowly, and then all at once. You finished your freshman year of college having avoided that dreaded Freshman 15. You felt invincible in the summer, balancing summer school operations at ‘Iolani and transferring files at UH. You were a “vegetarian” for a good part of that summer. You went home to Hogwarts, drove through the South. Your heart finally found its way to Washington, D.C.--that great big city that have always called onto its doorstep many wanderers and dreamers. And then you took on the Big Apple, albeit for only a couple of days. It was a whirlwind and tiring trip that ended with Springtime Montreal, a starkly different picture from the bitter winter wonderland that you visited in 2010. You had the three best days of your life (at the time) before heading back to DC where you lived and worked for almost four months. You kayaked the Potomac at dusk, tailgated the UH vs. Navy football game, airplane-watched at Gravelly Park, watched an oral argument at the Supreme Court, explored the bowels of the Capitol, walked to and visited all of the monuments in DC Metro at night, went on two glorious Dome tours, visited the White House on the first day tours opened, ate cupcakes at Georgetown Cupcakes, Sprinkles, and Baked&Wired all in one day, and so much more. You missed home, got sick alone, and longed for Hawaii. And you came back to a different world--you started living at home again, took on new responsibilities, declared a second major that helped make so much more sense of your entire life, which was so liberating and eye-opening. You have met new friends, lost touch with old ones, embraced change and fought through every single battle.

The past year has been very rich indeed, love. And you should be very proud of all that you have learned and accomplished and endured and persevered through.

I think it is still important to ask the essential questions. A couple of years ago, I had written a long list of questions to always ask yourself, but I think those can be condensed to a few that will always suffice. Plus, their shortness will allow you to conduct a temperature check more often than annual.

First of all, are you happy? If you are, make sure to be thankful for the reasons why you are. If you are not particularly so, understand whether it is something within your control or not, and then make sure that the things you do control are making you smile. Last year, I wrote that happiness is a choice. It really is. Choose it.

At the moment, I am both happy and not at the same time. I am learning to pick my battles, to endure and sacrifice, to find patience and love in places you would least expect to, and to be thankful for those pockets of wonders.

Second, are you doing your very best? Sometimes, it is easy to forget that your best is all that you can do, and that it is enough. What others do and say should not matter, and others should not dictate the way that you conduct yourself. Be proud of what you achieve because of the hard work that you put into it. And don’t be afraid to say that you can’t if you really can’t. Don’t be afraid to fail as long as you make sure to do your best.

I think at this point in my life, I am doing my best. My fear is that I will end up burning myself out before I achieve anything that can amount to me succeeding as an independent adult. But I have nothing to do but push past that fear so that I do keep working. I know I can do this. I take my LSATs in June and start applying this fall for law school. I can do this.

Third, are you helping others? This is the hardest thing to keep in mind, it seems, when you grow busier and busier by the month. But it is also the easiest thing to do. Do the little things, and you will never forget. Do the little things and the big things will follow. Do the little things and pay forward what little has been done to you.

I am trying. I really am trying. And that is good. Though Kendall and I have faltered in the small army for now, this does not mean our values or beliefs have changed. We can still make moments for others in our own ways.

Four, are you living? This means, are you taking risks? Are you passionate about what you do? Are you laughing breathlessly when you can? Are you being silly and youthful? Are you swinging on swings and putting on silly faces and fingerpainting your way through life? Are you making sure that you have tons of love in your life?

I have recently noticed that I am no longer terribly unhappy when I am stressed. I think I have gotten better with dealing with it--I have become a lot more accepting of situations where things do not go the way I expect or plan them to. I have also found sources of happiness that I have never had in my life, which helps a lot.

And there you have it 2015 Jen. By this time, you probably already have a good idea where you are going for law school. If, by any chance, for some reason, your path has changed, I hope that wherever you go, you take your heart with you. You feel things for a reason, Jen. You are hardwired to feel life within you, reverberating in your bones. So take your heart along for the ride and don’t leave it behind, because it is going to be very hard to feel with your brain. With that said, you also need to take your brain because I hope that you keep in mind all of the good that has happened to you so far, and how that must be paid back and forward and to the world. Show me what you can do, Jen, because I know and believe in you that you can be the word-wielder and world-changer we have always wanted to be. Whatever shape or form that dream may take within the next several months, I hope that you are happy, and safe, and healthy, and loving.

And if all else fails, there is always Paris. Because a bad day in Paris is still better than a good day elsewhere--who cares if you’re poor in the city of love, right? As long as your heart stays strong and your mind keeps up, and the two work in accord, your feet and your tongue will take you to places you have only dreamed.

And as always, eat your veggies, hit the gym, sleep, bake until your heart is content, sing and dance uninhibitedly, and look for the adventures within you.

With all my love and my hope for all the very best,

Jen

P.S. You should have another letter to read within the next several days. Go read it.