Winnning in Life

After a 4-week hiatus....I AM BAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!

I mean, August is creeping up around the corner, and I gotta be on my game for this year's second round of BEDA! So this is me, committing to that, and to so much more.

A note about my hiatus: There have been several things that have just made life harder to live to its fullest lately. The last semester was a literal rollercoaster (note the incorrect use of literality.) But I have decided to bounce back and make the best of every opportunity and to turn negatives into positives and to look more and more toward a future that is full of me and possibilities and all of our dreams. YES. IT CAN HAPPEN. IT WILL HAPPEN!

I am determined to smile and laugh, to embrace life and the people I meet everyday, to cherish all that makes my life full of life, love, and laughter, to sing and dance to my heart's content, to let go of as many worries as I can, to be accepting of all that I cannot control and to make myself stronger each and every day. 

Josh just turned 18 yesterday. I know right?! The boy who is my #1, who teaches me what it means to live and laugh and joke, who works for what he wants and what others want of him, who fends off all the worries in order to stay sane, is now a man. And I realized, with Josh's milestone birthday, that I am allowing myself to grow up too fast and life is moving by pretty quickly but I am not ready to let go of the self-assumed invincibility inherent to being young just yet. I want to stay carefree and lively and vivacious and fierce. What happened to the Jen who would belt out Boys Like Girls at a moment's notice? What happened to the Jen who pushed herself to have adventures? What happened to the Jen who liked high places and the Jen who knew she was a part of something bigger than anything she can ever imagine? I need to find her again! And although she has been replaced by someone who likes bitter coffee, someone who works 8 hours a day and hardly has any time to kick back, someone who is the designated Rational Person in every party or outing, that doesn't mean that I get to just forget about all of the fun things I used to do and dream of doing. NO. That cannot happen. I am still in school. I am not a full adult. I am not even 21 yet, for all that is holy's sake. 

This past year, I found new things that made my life more complete and more full. But I also lost other things that used to do that. I need to realize that having both makes perfect sense, that they are not mutually exclusive. And I am ready to realize that.

This post sounds like me life-coaching myself. But who else is gonna do it right? In about 10 days, I will have only 1 of my 5 bestest friends at a time on the island for the rest of the summer. I will be dropping some responsibilities and taking on new ones. Things are constantly changing, but you know what doesn't have to change completely all at once? Me. My values. My priorities. My loves and my dreams. That doesn't have to happen in one plane ride, in one blink, in one washing machine cycle. That takes time. And I am going to take as much time as I need.

So there you go, Life. I am ready to take you on. And I am going to WIN. IN LIFE. YES.