It's been a hard week in ways more than one. Again, I had deep and thoughtful plans for this week's post. But in the interest of time (which, I was reminded this week, is extremely precious) and because I have a long night of two papers, some online homework, and a midterm to start studying for ahead of me, I will keep this on the shorter side.
My grandmother passed away this week. I was at dinner with Anyssa, Rebecca and Marina when my dad called and asked me to call him back once I got back to my dorm room. I did and when he passed the phone to my mom, I immediately noticed that something was off. Her voice was deep and raspy and she sounded sick, so I asked her what was wrong. And she told me that my grandmother was gone. The fact that I was alone in my room with only a cellphone to connect me with my parents, Shayne, and Josh made the news that much worse. I had to call Rebecca and ask her to come up and I'm so glad she did because I wouldn't have known what to do or think had she not answered her phone immediately and said, "I'm on my way" as soon as she heard my voice. No questions, no explanation needed. And she had a project to finish for her studio class that morning too. She also immediately told me something that I needed to hear that night: "At least she's not lonely anymore. She's with your grandpa." I didn't think of it that way until she said it.
We called my grandmother Nanay, which means "mother." Our entire family did--from my mom and her siblings, to their spouses, to us grandchildren, and even her great-grandchildren. She was a mother to us all.
I remember the little things. And I will always remember the little things.
I will remember that she grew sampaguita (pikake) in the front yard. One part of the wire fence back home was filled with her flowers. She would put the small white blossoms on my hair when we visited and I always say that I think of her when I smell pikake.
I will remember that she loved to laugh and that she was generally a happy lady. I can still hear her laughter. We used to have such a good time teasing her about this weird dance that she does. It was sort of a cross between the washing machine and the macarena, if you can imagine that.
I will remember the pants she used to wear. There was this particular pair of purple and gray pajama-style pants that had a sort of scrunched up texture to it that she wore a lot when she went out to the market or to the bank. Those pants were my favorite.
I will remember that she loved having kids in the house. One time, I was sitting in the living room and I, along with my nieces and nephews, would urge her to dance for us.
I will remember that she loved to sew. I can still see in my mind the bright and colorful shorts she sewed for me and my siblings, nieces, nephews. The last time we visited as a family in December 2007, I told her that sewing wasn't good for her eyes anymore. In response, she sat me down right next to her and told me that if I thought that was so, then I should put the thread through the needle for her so that she didn't have to strain her eyes. She wasn't gonna stop sewing, she told me. That made me laugh but I did sit down with her all afternoon and watched her sew.
I remember the look that she gave me when I came downstairs once during that winter, wearing a black skirt. It wasn't short or provocative or anything but she said, "You've grown up so much."
I will remember her brushing my hair when I was younger as she hummed songs that she made up herself, a quirky habit she passed on to my mom.
The morning after she passed, I got out of the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around my head to dry my hair as I got ready for school. When I looked in the mirror, I realized that she was the one who taught me how to do that, something so trivial yet something that I will forever consider a way to keep her close to me forever. I was probably in second grade at the time. I was in her room one morning, standing in front of the mirror, my hair dripping wet. I had been trying for a while to copy the way that I had seen my Tita Azon wrap her hair with a towel to no avail. Then Nanay walked in and saw the pool of water around my feet. She didn't get mad. She kinda laughed at me at first but she ended up showing me the criss-cross and fold over method that she does with her hair towel. And ever since then, I've used that method to dry my hair every morning.
I think she was lonely after he passed a couple of years ago. I miss her but I do think that she is happier up there with my grandfather.
I will remember her, and miss her, and love her forever.
This past week was also a long week because I had absolutely nothing due in class. I barely even had anything to read. So my senioritis kicked in again and I procrastinated on the things that are due this week. Silly Jen. In other news, I judged a speech tournament on Saturday and then canvassed this morning. That was good.
Ok, I have to get back to working. Good thing I took a nap this afternoon. Oh, and the Refresher and cappuccino should help too.
Risks: 32
Hugs: 2
Current food obsessions/cravings: none...though I have been eating healthier lately...
Playlists on Repeat: just my entire library, skipping songs when I feel like it...
Books Read Since Graduation: (still) 6
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