This blog's main purpose is officially to just house my yearly letters to myself. I'm cool with it.
Dear Kendall (April 27, 2019),
Listen y'all, this is the SEVENTH letter that you have written to yourself. Let that just sink in for a second. Either way here we are. We got a lot to discuss! Last year you recapped the past 6 years and it was so great, I loved it. But now especially, there is a lot happening in the next year so let's talk about it.
When you are reading this in 2019, I don't know where you will be. I mean that in so many ways. Physically, where are you? In an apartment in California? On the streets cause you're broke and homeless? Back home cause you left? Or maybe just somewhere else out in the world? Regardless of where you are, I'm happy for you because you are doing it.
I know you could never forget where you are but let's talk about right now. I don't know if you've ever been as happy as you are now. You are surrounded by so many people you love and everyday you are just embracing yourself and letting others in. This experience has been unlike any other and it really has changed so much for me and I love it. But also that's why I had to leave.
Here's the real tea if you're ready, I think that I feel a need to sabotage myself. Like things are so good right now, but I want it to go wrong. For my whole life, I've been doing what I've thought I am supposed to do. Making the decisions that were set up for me that seemed right. But I've never actually had to make any hard choices. So I want to put myself in a place where I have to make choices. I know this makes no sense and is ridiculous, but this year I've been more and more reckless and I think that's why. I know it's probably not a good thing, but like, we doin it and who knows what will happen. I think that part excites me.
There are some big things ahead for you in the immediate future and I'm so excited, but also I'm excited for now. I'm excited for who you have been, who you are, and who you will be. I know I say this to everyone but I mean this to you the most, thank you for being you. That's all I could ask for.
With Three Peace and Love,
Kendall (April 27, 2018)
Friday, April 27, 2018
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Things That She Did: That
Wowowowowow look at me here on the #blog. What a guy. But listen, I think regardless of what happens to this blog, I will always be back on April 27. This is THE day, so here it goes.
Dear Kendall (April 27, 2018),
Wow. I don't know what else to say. It's been FIVE years since I wrote the first letter. In the grand scheme of things, five years is nothing, it's literally a millisecond in the landscape of the universe. However, for Kendall, five years has been a LONG time and so much has happened and changed, but also not. But before we get into that, let's just have a recap. This is where you were at each year when you wrote that letter:
2012: A senior in high school. This one blows my mind the most. I was literally 18 years old. And I had no clue what was coming next.
2013: A freshman in college. I was still figuring things out. I think my mind was trying to pretend like things weren't different. That I was growing. That things were happening.
2014: This is when things were starting to sink in, but I was still thinking from a stand point as that senior in high school. Worried about changing who I was and what I was supposed to be.
2015: This one is the most interesting. This was a BIG year for you. Especially this time specifically. You were, in a way, broken. The weight of how far I had come finally crashed on me. It was all finally real and I had to learn how to deal with that.
2016: This is post broken, but pre new. I was still navigating this new world and trying to figure out where I belonged. You were a senior in college. It was such a transitional phase. You didn't know where you were going or what was going to happen, but you were here for it all.
And now we are here. I've said this before, but I think about what my past self think about what I'm doing now and no matter what I never would have imagined this is where I would be now. I'm at home. I'm teaching. I get to hang out with one of my best friends every day. I have so many amazing students. Like, you made it, Kendall.
I was reading through the old letters and this was one line that stood out to me from 2014, "I want you to live up to the potential that you have been creating for yourself." Just take that in for a second. It all clicked once I read that. All the years leading up to this, I have been creating this potential for myself. All that time I was so upset with myself for not being what I wanted to be, but I realize now that I just wasn't able to yet. But here I am.
Yes, I'm an adult now. That's still wild and I'm not 100% how to navigate it at all times, but I think the best part about it is that I have the freedom to do what I think is right. I don't have all these barriers anymore, many of which were honestly self inflicted. I've finally allowed myself to do what I've always wanted to do. And it feels so good.
So where does that leave you? I'm not really sure. Even if I don't 100% know where I'm gonna be a year from now, that's okay. That doesn't mater as much anymore. I just know that if I'm continuing to do what's important and special to you, that that's all that matters. Keep doing you, Kendall. It's finally working.
Three Peace and Love,
Kendall (April 27, 2017)
Dear Kendall (April 27, 2018),
Wow. I don't know what else to say. It's been FIVE years since I wrote the first letter. In the grand scheme of things, five years is nothing, it's literally a millisecond in the landscape of the universe. However, for Kendall, five years has been a LONG time and so much has happened and changed, but also not. But before we get into that, let's just have a recap. This is where you were at each year when you wrote that letter:
2012: A senior in high school. This one blows my mind the most. I was literally 18 years old. And I had no clue what was coming next.
2013: A freshman in college. I was still figuring things out. I think my mind was trying to pretend like things weren't different. That I was growing. That things were happening.
2014: This is when things were starting to sink in, but I was still thinking from a stand point as that senior in high school. Worried about changing who I was and what I was supposed to be.
2015: This one is the most interesting. This was a BIG year for you. Especially this time specifically. You were, in a way, broken. The weight of how far I had come finally crashed on me. It was all finally real and I had to learn how to deal with that.
2016: This is post broken, but pre new. I was still navigating this new world and trying to figure out where I belonged. You were a senior in college. It was such a transitional phase. You didn't know where you were going or what was going to happen, but you were here for it all.
And now we are here. I've said this before, but I think about what my past self think about what I'm doing now and no matter what I never would have imagined this is where I would be now. I'm at home. I'm teaching. I get to hang out with one of my best friends every day. I have so many amazing students. Like, you made it, Kendall.
I was reading through the old letters and this was one line that stood out to me from 2014, "I want you to live up to the potential that you have been creating for yourself." Just take that in for a second. It all clicked once I read that. All the years leading up to this, I have been creating this potential for myself. All that time I was so upset with myself for not being what I wanted to be, but I realize now that I just wasn't able to yet. But here I am.
Yes, I'm an adult now. That's still wild and I'm not 100% how to navigate it at all times, but I think the best part about it is that I have the freedom to do what I think is right. I don't have all these barriers anymore, many of which were honestly self inflicted. I've finally allowed myself to do what I've always wanted to do. And it feels so good.
So where does that leave you? I'm not really sure. Even if I don't 100% know where I'm gonna be a year from now, that's okay. That doesn't mater as much anymore. I just know that if I'm continuing to do what's important and special to you, that that's all that matters. Keep doing you, Kendall. It's finally working.
Three Peace and Love,
Kendall (April 27, 2017)
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