Wowowowowow look at me here on the #blog. What a guy. But listen, I think regardless of what happens to this blog, I will always be back on April 27. This is THE day, so here it goes.
Dear Kendall (April 27, 2018),
Wow. I don't know what else to say. It's been FIVE years since I wrote the first letter. In the grand scheme of things, five years is nothing, it's literally a millisecond in the landscape of the universe. However, for Kendall, five years has been a LONG time and so much has happened and changed, but also not. But before we get into that, let's just have a recap. This is where you were at each year when you wrote that letter:
2012: A senior in high school. This one blows my mind the most. I was literally 18 years old. And I had no clue what was coming next.
2013: A freshman in college. I was still figuring things out. I think my mind was trying to pretend like things weren't different. That I was growing. That things were happening.
2014: This is when things were starting to sink in, but I was still thinking from a stand point as that senior in high school. Worried about changing who I was and what I was supposed to be.
2015: This one is the most interesting. This was a BIG year for you. Especially this time specifically. You were, in a way, broken. The weight of how far I had come finally crashed on me. It was all finally real and I had to learn how to deal with that.
2016: This is post broken, but pre new. I was still navigating this new world and trying to figure out where I belonged. You were a senior in college. It was such a transitional phase. You didn't know where you were going or what was going to happen, but you were here for it all.
And now we are here. I've said this before, but I think about what my past self think about what I'm doing now and no matter what I never would have imagined this is where I would be now. I'm at home. I'm teaching. I get to hang out with one of my best friends every day. I have so many amazing students. Like, you made it, Kendall.
I was reading through the old letters and this was one line that stood out to me from 2014, "I want you to live up to the potential that you have been creating for yourself." Just take that in for a second. It all clicked once I read that. All the years leading up to this, I have been creating this potential for myself. All that time I was so upset with myself for not being what I wanted to be, but I realize now that I just wasn't able to yet. But here I am.
Yes, I'm an adult now. That's still wild and I'm not 100% how to navigate it at all times, but I think the best part about it is that I have the freedom to do what I think is right. I don't have all these barriers anymore, many of which were honestly self inflicted. I've finally allowed myself to do what I've always wanted to do. And it feels so good.
So where does that leave you? I'm not really sure. Even if I don't 100% know where I'm gonna be a year from now, that's okay. That doesn't mater as much anymore. I just know that if I'm continuing to do what's important and special to you, that that's all that matters. Keep doing you, Kendall. It's finally working.
Three Peace and Love,
Kendall (April 27, 2017)
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