All of this is Real

I just want to write for a bit. I need to record memories here because I know for a fact that I will forget them and this post will be one of those things that I will rediscover years from now and be really happy that I wrote it all down. This past week--well, since I last posted more like--has made the thought of me moving on after college a lot more real. It's more real because I am seeing its implications a lot more clearly. I can't even begin to think about what life will be like a year from now. In the middle of a book, you know what's coming: more pages with words on them that you read. At the end of a book, you're looking down an abyss. You know there will be a sequel because life is good at that--it always goes on. But what is going to happen, exactly or even generally, you have no clue. And ideally, if the sequel is already out, you just move on and grab the next book and read some more. But in this case, there is no sequel yet. It's not out yet. So you can't do much but wait. Maybe you're online reading fanfiction or theories that fans may have about the next book, but you can't do that with life--can you?

The biggest imminent change that I'm feeling the most at the moment is the fact that I may not have the friends I have now around me anymore a year from now. We decided to do a Friendsgiving last week Sunday because people were going home during actual Thanskgiving and with a group of 10 people, it's always hard to figure out a time where everyone can make it--you should see our Doodle polls. So most of the time, it becomes like hanging out "in shifts"--if that makes sense. Brandon and I were not able to be there until after 2pm because of GK, the band people had a hotel party scheduled the night before so all of them (minus Brandon) would be dead in the morning. Kai was at home but was scheduled to be back in the dorms after a Costco run around the same time Brandon and I could get there. Anyway, the idea is that our times overlap with each other's at different times but the goal was to find a sliver of maybe an hour or two during which we can all sit down and have a meal. And we did!

The plan was to buy $100 worth of groceries from Safeway so that we could get a free turkey. So Bryson, Nicolyn, and Quintin went and did that in the morning. Problem was that the 24-pound turkey was frozen inside and out, completely. And most people allow ample time to let their Thanksgiving turkey thaw out. But we're not most people and we had scheduled dinner to be around 6:30 or 7:00 that night so Nicolyn, Quintin, and Bryson were not having it. So they filled up the bathtub with hot water and let the turkey hang out there. That wasn't working quickly enough so they stuck the turkey in the oven to thaw it out. They also started working on the ham at that point. But because the oven was a little occupied with the turkey, they stuck the ham in Bryson's oven across the hall instead, which was dynamite by the way. It was delicious. So by the time Brandon and I got there, Quintin was under the table catching up on Naruto, and Nicolyn was on her computer, and Justin was also conked out in his room, not to be seen until dinner time because you know, life. They informed us that they were all napping and watching over the two ovens in shifts; Bryson was currently taking his nap shift in his room. But he shortly joined us and he took out the turkey from the oven and soaked it in more water in the sink. At that point, Kai called and requested that some people go downstairs to the parking lot to help him out with Costco stuff. So I went down with the three other boys 'cause you konw, I have the strength of four men. Kai bought pumpkin pie (of course) along with other stuffs from Costco for the week. When he saw that the thawing of the chicken was unsuccessful, he started, um, excuse my language, fisting it because he said it thaws out the turkey a lot faster. His words, not mine. There was this whole "2 hours vs. 4 hours turkey" debate of which I definitely made sure I was not a part because kitchen fights are usually lethal even when you have recipes to back you up 'cause you just never know about the turkey and the oven and everything else. So we went to glaze the honey in Bryson's oven. Kai seasoned the turkey and put in the oven without us which meant we had to ask him to take it out again just so that we could put strategically placed butter chunks on the breast-side down slash upside-down turkey. So we stuck it in there and planned out the rest of the cooking stuff that needed to be done. Nicolyn was on mashed potato duty, Quintin was assigned stuffing, Bryson had to keep watch on the ham, Kai was letting the turkey do its thang, and I was doing dishes intermittently 'cause you know we're college students and we don't have enough forks to cook and eat without washing anything somewhere in between. There was some sort of debate about whether we should cook rice because we're all Asian, even the non-Asian ones, but there was mashed potatoes. Anyway, Team Mashed Potatoes won that battle because there ware peole who didn't want to commit to either one of the starch choices just for this particular dinner. Brandon was a floater and Justin was still safely in bed, snoring (metaphorically because I don't really know if he was snoring...he was sleeping soundly enough that if he was a snorer, he would be snoring). At some point we decided to clean up because this was a special occasion goddamit and we are not going to eat in a messy living room. After much debate about how we were going to move the furniture around to accomodate everyone (you get the picture, we have lively discussions about a lot of things when we're all in one room), the boys moved one of the couches to the hallway across the bathroom, rotated the table (which, by the way, the boys built together over the summer for specifically the purpose of having dinners like this and also 'cause who wants to do homework all alone in their room), and set up enough chairs for everyone in the group plus one. This was because Heide brought Tyler to dinner. At first it kind of made us all like "Wait, we have a guest? Do we need to be decent and appropriate?" but those who knew him assured us that his presence required no such thing because he was on the same level of inappropriate as we were but that we should be really nice to him anyway, which we always are, come on now. So back to cleaning. I vaccumed (Brandon also vacuumed the hallway outside the elevators because he is a child and threw uncooked rice all over the place the night before) and Nicolyn put away some stuff in people's rooms. The stuffing, mashed potatoes, and ham were done. Nicolyn and I decided to divide and conquer the genius dessert idea that she came up with: baked apple cider doughnuts with comforting apple pie filling, topped with rich cream cheese frosting, and drizzled with warm caramel sauce. If there was a plausible way to die happy with dessert, it would be this. It was going to happen tonight. We were going for it. It was real. This was all real. Yep, we all died that night after dessert. Anyway, logically of course, because she's made the apple cider doughnuts before, we decided that I, Jen, doughnut n00b, would make them. And because she's never made homemade apple pie filling before, it would be fitting for her to make that. We're just really practical like that. Except we weren't. Because we're really rebels and we like danger that way. Then when our duties were done, we combined forces to tackle the frosting. We didn't take the butter or the cream cheese early enough to soften them and get them to room temperature but it was okay because I had Baker Tricks up my sleeve which earned much approval and praise from Nicolyn (YASSSS SHE LIKES ME). So we did that and then the moment of truth came for the turkey. It was done! It was gorgeous too. Now we had to take all of the drippings and stuff for the gravy. That took some coordination and teamwork because it was a small kitchen, we only had four burners for everything, and the doughnuts needed time to bake once the turkey comes out, and also cool, and also because we only had one pan, we needed to do two batches total. All good, it just meant we needed people to do things when they needed to do them and how everyone wanted them to do them so that nobody got screwed over. Not that hard. Ok go! And they happened. There was some yelling, but hey we got them done. Alex came home and was very diligent in setting up the entire table with knives and forks and napkins. He also chose a Christmas playlist and set up his laptop by the TV so that we could enjoy how our voices and laughter were clearly louder than the music. We set the foods one by one to the table. We remembered that Brandon and I brought drinks in the cooler we used earlier that day so we took those out and we chose drinking glasses--the wine glasses are always a favorite because you know you can drink milk in that thing and you'll feel classy af. So at one point everyone was there then I yelled for someone to wake Justin up because we are not going to eat without him so he woke up and we were complete and Tyler met everyone he hadn't met before and he was really nice and he gave me a hug. Then everyone sat down and we all wondered if we should pray or something but we opted to smile for selfies instead for the sake of posterity and then we started to eat. Which basically just meant a bunch of guys with knives cutting into two types of meat--the turkey and the ham--and people asking others loudly to "pass the potatoes" and "yo gravy me up" throughout. There came the point when everyone had a full and complete plate of food and we were actually eating and talking and drinking and being merry and such. It was good. It was really good--the food, the people, the feeling of not dying of kitchen-related accidents. The fact that we pulled off a turkey and that it worked and the ham was glorious was immensely satisfying. Then it came time for dessert. We put together the doughnuts and the pies and we had whipped cream handy and it was good. It was just really good because of all the laughter that was in that room and all the jokes and the near food fight triggers that didn't happen and just everything about it. From our tiny Christmas tree in the corner of the room, to the colored Christmas lights around the window, to the open door that carried our voices and laughter out of the room and into the entire floor which happens every night anyway. It was good and it was the perfect thing to be thankful for in that moment. 

It was a good way to start the short three-day week which was kind of the longest three-day week ever. But actual Thanksgiving was good too. I baked some ribs because we don't really have turkey for our family Thanksgiving dinners. I got a lot done in terms of papers (thanks to an extension whoooo!) and also applications. Big whoo!

I've been talking about this to Brandon a lot lately but I generally believe that time doesn't really move faster when we're older. People say that high school goes by so quickly, and that college is so much quicker. I think that's misleading because the rate of change is really constant throughout. It's just that as we get older, we become more attached to the people around us. We realize the weight of the present and see the importance of living. We learn how to love and to hold on to the things worth cherishing. And so it seems as if time moves more quickly because we don't want to part with the good things, the people and places we've built our comfort zone around. It's a bit scary isn't it? And I'm sure everyone feels it, which ought to make you less scared of it all, but that's easier said than done, as are most things.

I'm The Best Worst Thing That Hasn't Happened To You Yet

Hey guys!

This was a week... Let's go in order:

Monday: I had school. Shmeh. After, we went to the Magic Man/Smallpools concert. I've really wanted to see Magic Man again since I first saw them and listened to their music. Ugh, they were so good. I don't know, I just really like their music and them as people. Afterwards, I bought their album on vinyl and had the drummer Joey and the lead singer Alex sign it. I got a picture with him again, ugh, he's perfect. (Click here for proof)

Tuesday: Work. Then errands. Then Bastille concert. It was at Key Arena so it was huge and there were plenty of children and people who didn't understand, but it was really good. I actually really like them and their music and Dan was just such a nice guy. Good times all around. Actually, a really good way to finish out concerts for the year (more on that in the future)

Wednesday: Woke up at 5 in the morning. We left from Jaime's school in Lacey. The total drive time was about 8 hours. From Lacey, through Oregon, to Northern California. The drive actually wasn't that bad, we stopped once for gas and to get food at Safeway. We got to where we needed to be an hour early, so we hung out at an empty elementary school, swinging on their swings and such. Then, when it was time, we drove over to this farm and we went horseback riding through the Redwood Forest. It was really awkward at first because we were definitely the only ones who have done it in a while since, you know, it's November (it wasn't even that cold though, like high 50s low 60s). But we did it, it was really nice, my horse knew what he was doing so that was cool. Except for when he started to run a little bit. Then we drove to the hotel, got food at a Mexican restaurant, walked through a gigantic sand dune in the dark, and then got back to the hotel and slept (worst hotel of the trip). 

Thursday: Woke up at 6. This drive was about 6 hours. We drove from Arcata, California, to Lake Tahoe. We drove through the mountains for forever (ugh it was so windy) and the we stopped to get food (we stopped at a Carl's Jr. because it was Thanksgiving so nothing was open) then drove through open fields. We got to Squaw Valley at about 2 and went up to the lift to the top of the mountain (kind of). (Lift ticket: $27). Then, we Ice Skated (Ice Skating: $12) at the top of the mountain, it was actually really really cool. One of my favorite moments. It was an outdoor ice rink, on top of the mountain where the 1960 Olympics were held. It was a nice day (kind of cold) with the sun out and the lake visible in the distance. After that, we went over (still on top the mountain) and ate a fancy Thanksgiving Buffet Dinner (Dinner: $45). Easily the most expensive day. It was super expensive and there was tons of boug white people, but it was cool. I piled on the food because I had to make it worth it. We were so hungry that when we were in line, I only had green beans and mashed potatoes on my plate so I was eating the potatoes with the green beans. People were looking at us funny. We then drove to the hotel, stopped on the way there to look at the stars. Best star view of the trip. Then, we got to the THIRTY DOLLAR HOTEL. It was actually pretty decent for only $30. Better than the first night. Sleep. I should also mention that we went to bed at like 9. This is consistent throughout the trip.

Friday: Woke up at 6. I started to drive. We had an 8 hourer ahead of us. We crossed into Nevada. It hit. We pulled over. I died. I spent the rest of the drive through Nevada completely sick. We stopped at like 4 different places. It was actually kind of terrible. Apart from that though, it was really cool and interesting. It was semi flat, semi mountainous. It was blue skies and low 60s and just dirt and tumble weed for miles. I hated it. I hated how isolated it felt. I felt like I was being suffocated by nothingness. But I also thought it was really interesting. I liked visiting, I could NEVER live in a place like that. We got to Salt Lake City at like 5 (we lost an hour going through time zones). It felt really weird going to a city that seemed like it was in the middle of nowhere. It didn't feel right. We went to a mall. Mormons everywhere. We walked around near the main Mormon temple thing. It was cool, but there were so many people. We then went to Olive Garden. We went to the hotel, sleep (at like 9 again).

Saturday: Woke up at 6. I drove first. Total, we probably drove like 6 hours. We first went to Promontory Point in Utah, where the first transcontinental railroad was finished. I mean, aesthetically, it wasn't all that interesting. It was just fields and hills with a railroad in the middle, but thinking about what happened there, and the work that it took to get there, it was really cool. The visitor center place did a good job of acknowledging the immigrants who worked on the railroad (kind of), but what I had a problem with was the fact that they made a whole big deal about it when it happened, that they finished it, and the white people who were in charge probably took all the credit for it, when there were so many immigrants who worked so hard on it. Anyway, after that, we went to this hot spring. It was basically a pool, but filled with hot spring water. It was salty and warm and great. It was like 40 degrees out. There were a lot of people there, a lot of Mormons, but it was really nice. It felt really good, except for getting out of the water. Then, we drove through Idaho. We stopped at a waterfall. Then, we made it to Boise, ate a potato ice cream (not even kidding), went to a Christmas tree festival (it was a really nice and cute community event. I liked it.) ate, went to another fancy mall, ate fro yo, went to the hotel, and sleep. 

Sunday: Woke up at 6. Had an 8 hour drive ahead of us. I drove for 6 of it. Driving through Idaho and Oregon the temperature fluctuated between 5 and 25. There was a good couple hours in Oregon where the ground was covered in ice and there was snow all around. It was kind of terrifying because, you know, death. They had laid out a bunch of gravel to help with traction and stuff, but still. It was cool though, just scary. We then got back into Washington and drove through the part of the state that I never see. You see, Washington is essentially two states. The western half (divided by a mountain range that is on the west side as well) that is what you think of when you think Washington, lots of green trees, lots of rain, Seattle, city, forest, woo. Then, the eastern half, which is nothing. It is dull colored, not many trees, hills, lots and lots of nothing. I didn't like it. If this trip taught me anything, it was that of the 6 states we drove through, there is only one (maybe 2 but defs not Northern California) state that I could live in and that's where I am right now. I can't stand the openness, the nothingness. While I like being alone, I like being alone with others around. I felt too cut off from the world. I felt like I could disappear and no one would even notice. I felt wrong. Anyway, after that, we passed through the pass, went to another waterfall, went to Costco, went to Chipotle, and here we are. 

I love seeing new things. I want to see every state at some point in my life. I think this trip specifically helped me to figure out what I like. It made me realize how much I really like Seattle. I don't know where I'm going to end up next year or in the future, but it's nice to start checking place off the list of everywhere.

Why This Week Was Awesome: ROAD Trip

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 15

Books Read: 13
Airplanes Ridden: 18
Concerts Attended: 22 

Utopia? More like uNOPEia.

Hey guys,

This week, I did school. Yup. I read a bit. That was fun.

Friday, we went out to dinner for B's birthday. It's bad 'cause the part about it that I'm so excited about is all the great pictures that we took. I know that sounds kind of not good, that I'm excited about the pictures and not the time we spent together, but they make me so happy because we don't have many and it's a group of people who I kind of care about a lot. I don't know, it's just something that will help me to remember how much I enjoy spending time with them.

Then, on Saturday, I went to Jaime's and we went to the Vance Creek Bridge. It's kind of illegal, but eh, that's normal. What was more concerning was the mini hike that we had to do to get there. Once we got there though, it was kind of amazing. It was super terrifying because it is actually super dangerous and people could die there so easily, but it was great. It was the type of thing that we do at home, but I'm glad we got to do something like it here.

Next week is Thanksgiving. I have so much to do school wise, but I also have 2 concerts and a road trip... We'll see what happens. 

Why This Week Was Awesome: Instagram

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 13

Books Read: 13
Airplanes Ridden: 18
Concerts Attended: 20

Like Diamonds, We're Built With Time

Hey guys.

This was a week. The whole trend of me not sleeping is continuing. Like, I don't know how to sleep anymore.

Three more weeks of school (but really only 2 because Thanksgiving  week doesn't count). Then finals. Then home. Then christmas. Then more home. Then back here. Then graduation. Then summer. Then life.

That is literally what my mind thinks like at least 5 times per hour. I've been trying so hard to map out my life, but it's not really working. I'll figure it out sooner or later, right?

Why This Week Was Awesome: 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 11

Books Read: 12
Airplanes Ridden: 18
Concerts Attended: 20

Mayday Somebe

Hello! This week was a busy week as usual, but it was not as bad as it could have been. This coming week is gonna be a big one too--lots of meetings and stuff to plan for. Also a speech and a case brief and also some upcoming final papers. Yikes. Then Thanksgiving!

In other news, I've rediscovered Spotify. And also Junior Year Jen who spent her entire 17-year-old time just swooning. Really now. This is why I hope to have sons someday. Girls are ridiculous. I would know because I am ridiculous.

Someone Needs to Stop Me

Hey guys.

This week I had two concerts. The first was on Thursday. It was the first concert that I went to by myself. It was for New Politics and it was really fun actually. I got there when the doors opened and I managed to get two people from the front. I did pretty well. And even though I wasn't too excited about going by myself, I'm glad I did. It was a good time.

Then the next day was Relient K. It was really really good. I felt a little bad that I didn't know them well enough, but it was still really cool to see them and see the few songs that I have been attached to for a while now. 

Why This Week Was Awesome: 

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 10

Books Read: 12
Airplanes Ridden: 18
Concerts Attended: 20

It's Hard When They Look at You Differently

Today's a special day, but I cannot tell you why.
Today's a special day, but I did nothing, not even fly.
Today's a special day, and it'll never happen again.
Just kidding, there'll be a next time--I'll tell you when!

Writing has been hard for me to do lately, mostly because I haven't had much time. As per usual. But also because I forgot the type of feelings I could get whenever I let my fingers go free on the keyboard or put pen to paper, and doing so is not ideal at the moment. It's ironic because it is National Novel Writing Month, and the first one during which I am not writing a novel. 

I have been doing lots of writing though--papers, personal statements, excel spreadsheets and the like. Not much of the stuff I want to write: letters, essays, stories. 

But a time will come when that will be something I do not have to find time for. What it means to "make it" is becoming more and more clear, I think because the future is so much more real at this vantage point. It means not having to schedule time for the things that make you happy, for the people who make you smile. Working towards the day you wake up and think, "I made it" is just as valuable as that day.

Live Your Life For Those You Love

Hey guys.

It's hard to believe a week even passed by. Like. What did I do? I watched a lot of movies, that's what I did. 

In the wake of watching the movie "Weekend" (it really screwed me up), I was watching other movies to try and find something that made me feel the way that movie did. I failed. I watched two stupid movies (ugh), but I did end up watching the second Captain America movie and it was pretty amazing. Not gonna lie, I was hyped for it.

Today I watched "Boyhood", the movie that was made over the course of 12 years. Conceptually and in actuality, that aspect of the movie was amazing. To see these kids grow up before your eyes, it was incredible. It especially hit home for me because the main character is my age. He was growing up at the same time I was. He was living through the same things I was, just in different contexts. It was crazy. I'm really curious as to how much was planned out and how much they just kind of figured out as they went. 

(Other than the fact that it was long, 2 hours and 45 minutes. Guys.) I had a problem with it. He ended up becoming an asshole. I'm sorry, but I didn't like him. At all. Like, it just seemed like he didn't care about anything after a certain point. And I mean, I guess we got to see why that was, seeing him grow up, but I just hated it. What really got me was the way he said bye to his mom. Her life sucked throughout this whole thing and he didn't really care. And with his girlfriend too. And then it ended with him taking a weed brownie and going on a hike with a random? Like, no. It was so interesting to see his life, but I just didn't like his life. 

Anyway, sorry. I've been watching all these movies, looking for something. I don't know what yet. But when I figure it out, you will be the first to know. 

Why This Week Was Awesome: Wut? Movies I guess.

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 8

Books Read: 12
Airplanes Ridden: 18
Concerts Attended:18