Sad Musings

There are times when the sadness and anxiety that sit inside me awaken and rattle my bones, catching me by surprise with their sudden and inexplicable timing. It comes slowly, burdening my shoulders slightly before the weight creeps down to my chest where the two sit as close friends, breathing silently, heavily. And with each heave, I see the people whom I love let me down. I see the faces of those for whom I care fade away. I see the cobblestones of the path I'm paving for myself and subsequently walk on suddenly break apart into an open abyss. They force me to sit down, tricking me into thinking that I'd be able to catch my breath by doing so, only to realize that the loss of momentum is the trap. Their trap. The idle silence that makes me think that yes, it is as bad as it seems and there is no getting out of it.

A Different Kind of Perfect

Hey guys.

Remember when I talked about my "Perfect Month"? Well. That came and went. But not in a bad way. 

The past month was probably one of the most interesting and challenging that I've ever had. Literally, everything happened starting from the second I published that post, my entire month changed. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I was challenged this month, everyone in my life was in some way or another. But that's alright. 

God so much happened and I can't even talk about all of it. I got upset this month. Scared. Frustrated. Excited. Sad. Curious. And hopeful. The universe just kept throwing thing after thing at me. I honestly found myself questioning what I was doing almost everyday. I still don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared about the future and my life and the people in it. But that's alright. This month showed me how important people in my life and how much any and all of us can accomplish. 

I can't help but to think how much has changed over the past few years. I sometimes wish things were as easy as they were before, but then I realize that even though things can be tough sometimes, it's just an opportunity to do better. To make things better. There are so many things I can do. I have so much opportunity and potential. My life is honestly what I make it. 

In life, we're constantly faced with decisions, no mater where you are or what you're doing, you have choices to make that will impact everything. Whether that's how to respond to a text, what to say after you are singing and dancing in your room alone and nervous, what to do when you make a blanket fort, what to do with your future, how to get your homework done and still have time for everything else, how to deal with the wandering eyes across the room, how to show people that you care about them, and even how to keep your sanity alive and thriving. I made a lot of choices this month. Some may have been wrong, but that's part of the process. It doesn't mater that I'm 20, or if I was 15, or even 50. You are constantly learning and growing.

I learned a lot this month. It may not have been the "Perfect Month" that I had dreamed of, but it was definitely perfect in it's own way. While things in life may not be the ideal perfect (and they honestly never will be), I'm ready to make the most of what I do have. I'm ready to take life and make it all count. I'm ready to show that to the people in life and that they are just a part of it as I am. I'm ready to go. And all because this month was it's own kind of perfect.

Times Eaten at Chipotle: 14

Books Read: 3
Airplanes Ridden: 6
Concerts Attended: 23