And That's on Wicked

Dear Kendall (April 27, 2021)

Okay diva, buckle in cause this is a doozy. There's so many layers this time around so let's start with looking back before we dive into today. This is the 9th letter you've written to yourself. 8 years since you were a senior in high school. It's so fun to look back, especially at all the old blog posts and see how much you've changed and grown but honestly how much you've stayed the same. I always think about how when I was blank age, I never would have imagined where I am now, which is more true than ever right now. But I think what's so special about that is I am able to grow and change without knowing it's coming or happening. That's how life happens, it doesn't tell you it just arrives and you go with it. And you hope that on that journey you keep with you what makes you special and you let go what holds you back. I know that I'm not at the perfect place quite yet but that's apart of the fun, always striving towards better. 

It's really funny looking back on a year ago. It almost seems like that year didn't even happen, it was a blip and has been cut out all together. I love looking back though and looking at pictures and remembering. As much as in the moment I felt guilty and bad, I now miss those days and adventures. I think about how much I wasted certain opportunities and didn't take advantage of everything offered to me. Being stuck at home especially has made me realize once I am able to have those adventures again, I am enjoying them to the fullest extent possible. 

But let's recap this past year. Since April 27, 2019, I was in Canada. I came home and watched 2019 graduate. I found my new place in a setting that was familiar but not the same. I accepted that this was a new time and that things were not gonna be the same. I found theatre and felt all the ups and downs. I went to the wedding which was such a beautiful impact of old and new. I travelled back to the places that felt like home. I grew my family. I watched relationships evolve and mature and grow. I came up with a plan. I got into grad school. My niece was born. And now I'm stuck at home for who knows how long. 

As special as this past year has been the really defining features have been discovering what I'm here for and what my goals are for the future. The future doesn't look blurry anymore, I have  clear path and set goal for what I want to do. And while I still want more than just that, I know that that's okay because now I have the time to plan for those too. And in the meantime, enjoy everything as much as I can. 

Life has changed in such an unexpected way these past few months. I don't know when it's gonna end or where things are gonna go from here. While it's been challenging and difficult, I'm glad that I've been able to reconnect with those that are important to me and to the things that mean the most to me. It may be difficult now but I hope that you are able to look back at this strange time in life with some fondness. And most of all I hope that you are able to enjoy this year. That's really what this is all about. Enjoy life. Love others. Make the most of your time here. The rest falls into place. The rest will come and go. But you need to remember to enjoy every moment to it's fullest because you're definitely not getting younger. And even though I may not know exactly where you'll be in 2021 because of the world right now I know you'll be okay. 

Stay safe. Smile lots. Send love. 

Kendall (April 27, 2020)

Sister Snatched

She's back back back again!! 

Dear Kendall (April 27, 2020), 

*NOTE* I am writing this a week early because I'll be out of the country on the actual day so I jus want to make sure it gets done, I promise to get it right next year!

Okay. Wow. So many thoughts where to even start. I think I'm going to break this letter into 3 parts. 

Part one. Reflection. Kendall. This is the eighth time that you have written a letter to yourself. I know you love reminding yourself of your accomplishments, but I think that's important. It's so important for you to remember that you have done great things and will continue to do so. Eight years you've been looking forward to the future and I think that this year is one of the most poignant. Which leads to...

Part two. We need to talk about this past year. That's so funny that you didn't know where you would be. I mean, it makes sense. But when I wrote last years letter feels SO long ago. And the fact that I didn't have plans past January and I was really just letting up to the universe to decide. And I think the funniest part is all of those things were somewhat true. I am very broke and somewhat homeless. I am somewhere else out in the world, Virginia. I am moving back home in two weeks (one week once this letter is out). And I have been traveling the world this whole year. This past year has been so important for so many reasons. Honestly so much has happened it really blows my mind. I think that the way I felt about home a year ago is important. It's important because that isn't how you felt when you first made the decision to leave. But then things changed. You got attached. You found your passion. Something that I didn't necessarily imagine would happen. Being away this year has showed me that. And while being at Disney was amazing and I know that it is a passion of mine, I just felt guilty being there. That's something that I've been struggling with all year, the guilt of what I'm doing is selfish and pointless. Why be here when I could be doing something important. Well, because I didn't know that it was important then. And now you do. Traveling the world has been amazing. Spending time with your family has been priceless. These are things that I always wanted to do and you go the chance to do it. And even though it was hard at times and didn't always feel right, I hope that you are able to look back at this year and just be happy. This was so special and you need to know that. 

And now, part three. The future. Kendall, when you read this you will be newly 26. I have told myself that 25 will be different. It's the year that I grow up. The year that I start taking care of myself and those around me. The year that I dedicate myself to what's important. Now that doesn't mean I'm changing who I am or the person I am. But just what I choose to put my time and energy into. I need to make the most of my time here and that means taking care of me in every aspect possible. It's funny reading what I said about sabotaging myself. I kind of forgot about that idea. While it's kind of true, I see now that I wasn't trying to make my life harder, I was just trying to justify a decision that I was scared about. Kendall, I hope that it doesn't feel like you gave up. Yes you are going back to something familiar, but that is all the reason why this past year for you needs to be the best and hardest yet. You need to try. You need to take risks. You need to push yourself and grow and learn and evolve. You need to grow into the person who I know you can be. Don't be stagnate. Don't settle. This is the only time we get and it would be such a waste to let it go by. I don't know what this next year holds or how it will treat you. But at the end of the day you need to make the most of your time here. So have fun. Care for others. Smile. And never forget what it is that makes you you. Keep going. And see you soon. 

Love forever and always, 

Kendall (April 27, 2019)